Journal #4 - Chapters 10-12 - Perspective: Atticus

Atticus' Journal

I'm getting old. Around 50 I am, not sure of the exact age. Too old to play tackle football, anyways. Since my kids got air rifles for Christmas, I told them what not to shoot at. I said they could shoot at tin cans, bluejays, whatever, as long as they don't put a mockingbird in peril. I let them figure out why. It's a great sin to kill a mockingbird, because they've never done anything bad to us. They've never eaten crops, they've never been pests. All they do is “sing their hearts out for us”, as put by Ms. Maudie. I would think it terrible to do such a thing. It's like how they accused Tom Robinson of rape, when they haven't even heard his side of the story. He claims complete innocence, and I believe him. The Ewells are just trying to stir up trouble and blame the negro.

Speaking of negroes, people have been calling me a “nigger-lover” recently. I don't contradict this, however. I love everyone equally, because we're all humans. You're not better than another person just because you have a lighter skin color. Tom Robinson's story deserves to be heard.

Anyways, there was a mad dog in Maycomb a while back. Mr. Tate drove me over to where it was, and I saw it. It was a real threat, and it needed to be taken care of immediately. I wished to find a way to clear it out, when Tate suggested I use my sharpshooting skills to take him out. How could he even suggest that, considering I gave up that skill long ago! He was so cantankerous. However, I was given the rifle. I took off my glasses, and shot as best as I could. It felt good to shoot something again, especially after so many years I've stopped shooting. However, there's a reason why I gave up shooting.

I was the deadest shot in Maycomb County. I could shoot just about anything, in one shot. If I shot 15 bullets and hit 14, I'd complain about wasting a bullet. It seemed something I'd be proud of, but no. I didn't want to be a level above everyone else. I believed everyone should be equal, and I believe I should be as inconspicuous as everyone else.

Anyways, a few days later, Jem got a verbal lashing from Mrs. Dubose. I thought he would be able to stand this, but he couldn't. He took out his anger by stomping out her camellias. Such a vile act, I thought better of Jeremy Finch. I sent him to apologize at once. He came back with his report, almost inaudible . Apparently she was sentenced to read for Mrs. Dubose for an entire month. To think, I was just about to do that too, considering the condition she was in. Every day, Jem and Scout's reading sessions seemed to get longer, and the fits seemed to not happen as often. I suppose this helped Mrs. Dubose get out of her addiction.

Mrs. Dubose had a severe addiction to morphine. Every day, she took it. I was getting extremely worried about it, because it seemed to be getting out of hand. Eventually, she had to stop taking it or else she would die of it. She eventually hired a nurse to help her get better. Through withdrawal, she had many fits and such. She spent most of her months either in fits or insulting the neighbors. She was a mean one on the outside, but she was courageous.

In her final month, she decided to stop the addiction. What did she do? She told Jem to read to her. Jem must have been pretty surprised by this, because he was almost sure that Mrs. Dubose hated his guts. It was pretty intriguing that she would do that, but then again I would have asked Jem to read to her anyways, as I stated before. During the reading sessions, Mrs. Dubose's fits seemed to stop her from interrupting Jem in his reading. At least that's what he told me.

Jem seemed to be catching on to what disease Mrs. Dubose had. Eventually, she told Jem to stop reading to her once and for all. Jem and Scout seemed very relieved, and I was too. This had meant she had gotten rid of the addiction, and could die in peace. A few days passed, and as did Mrs. Dubose. She had died a peaceful death, and I'm sure if she's still conscious in heaven or hell, she's proud of herself.

The next few days I had to go to to the state legislature for some emergency. This meant that Jem and Scout had to spend the whole summer with just Cal. I hope that they'll be okay.

~Atticus